Portrait of a mother

Portrait of a mother

A Liquid Love is a text by Carolina Vegas in which she finds herself as a writer and addresses her experience as a mother

Far beyond the romanticism surrounding motherhood, and dares to speak very sincerely about what no one speaks of giving to light.

When talking with her friends, Carolina realized that as mothers they had in common that the postpartum period had been difficult, A Liquid Love was already being conceived as a book and perhaps it was the reason for them to speak honestly and accept as few times, that they had had tough times.

Having a child continues to be for many a subject that has been divinized, it is something special, and beautiful and this has been spread with such impetus that the bad times around childbirth are silenced. Crying, fear, uncertainty, anguish, and in some cases postpartum depression continue to be taboo subjects, as well as many processes that surround the subject of motherhood and are addressed in A Liquid Love.

No one talks about the hormonal change, the change in life, how strong the first 40 days after giving birth is physically and emotionally, and all this coupled with lack of sleep. In the psychoprophylactic courses, they talk to you about childbirth, breastfeeding, and how to bathe the baby and change a diaper, but never about this. When you face this situation, the first thing you question is your ability as a mother. But the truth is that many women go through these circumstances, only a few decide to share it”. Caroline says

For the writer, being a woman is not equivalent to being a mother. Motherhood is an optional topic, which must go through the ability to decide whether to be a mother or not. It is a decision that goes beyond the biological to make room for an affective bond that is built when a child is wanted and loved. A link that does not happen immediately, nor does it exist for its own sake and even though she assures, as she says in her book that she fell in love from the first moment she felt those cells inside her, this love has been growing as who knows, becomes familiar with and shares with this new being.

The book tells from Carolina’s experience as a mother, not only the issue of bringing a desired and loved child into the world, the difficulty of the first year of parenting, but also the difficulties she had to face when she found out about her endometriosis and polycystic ovary in a moment when I thought I was sterile.

For those mothers who cannot give birth, Carolina talks about what it is like to feel like an incomplete body. The very impositions of society that whisper to women not to be good enough, correct, or pretty, make an issue like infertility feel like a hard blow. “You feel like you failed as a vital organism in the world when you can’t give birth. But, we also have to accept that not all bodies are made to reproduce and that finally, adoption is a valid option I discovered when I realized that the loving bond with the child is born from wanting to be willing to give all the love.

In the book, Carolina undoes the idea that parenting is the sole responsibility of the mother. “No man is questioned when he abandons a child or decides not to be a father, he is not treated as someone incomplete.” Upbringing for Carolina is everyone’s responsibility as a society: it is up to the family, the couple, and even diverse families. “Parenting is about forming citizens who can contribute to a society and therefore cannot be tied to the role of the mother.” As she says, we must not support the fact that children are alone with their mothers, which is also prohibiting children from sharing with their parents, and eliminating terms such as help, in the case of this responsibility, since the father cannot be seen as a collaborator.

“Men are taught that feeling is something for women and we have to rethink how we are raising our men, the second step is to understand that fatherhood is just as important as motherhood and that if there is a partner, an emotional bond and decide to have a child, the responsibility is both of them and the father is not only economic but also upbringing, attachment, affection, and education“. Concluded Carolina.

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